Heya, you missed part 2? This link here👇 will take you right to it😊. Enjoy!
I was sitting in a trotro* home the other day and I felt like talking to you. I did well to take my phone out and start typing straight away lest I forget the words flowing through my mind at that particular moment.
In my last note, I told you about some of these unspoken fears. Today I’m going to tell you about two more and as I do, I believe I won’t be speaking for myself alone but for the many; saying aloud what many are thinking to themselves and feeling low-key.
I think you know that I know it is almost time for you to fulfill that deal you made with God.
You know that deal where He agreed to keep me hidden for you until I turn the age I’m about turning in a few days ?
Babe! This is the part of the movie where you appear in your shinning armour to whisk me away on your majestic horse.
Someone was telling my friend Nathalie the other day that maybe her babe’s horse fell into a gutter and broke a leg while he was on his way 😂.
I hope that’s not your case.
A few days ago, I went shopping and I noticed a new restaurant at the mall. I then decided to go in just to check out their menu.
As I was coming back out, holding my shopping bags in one hand and about to engage into a struggle with the heavy glass door in order to push it open, an elderly man who saw me through the door decided to open it for me.
I asked him with surprise written all over my face : were you coming in sir ?
He replied no and as he walked away, he shouted : ” ladies are meant to be served by gentlemen so allow us to take care of you. I know nowadays, these 21st century women want to do everything on their own but express your femininity by just allowing a man to take care of you. ”
As he entered the corridor ahead of him and was out of sight, he reappered, tilted his head back and added: “God created us to help you and you to help us !”
I responded with an hallelujah, a wide grin and a giggle. *Now I wish I took a picture with him*
I marvelled and kept smiling because I knew there and then that this elderly and lovely man was not just babbling. It was as though he had taken a trip down the world in my mind. I realised he was God sent and that I was being fed some manna*
because how could this man have known that this is one of the things I have been thinking about deeply and just a few days ago, I was again.
Thinking about the fact that the day I meet you…
You’re going to realise that I am the embodiment of what a “Miss independent” is.
First of all, I hate asking anyone for help.
Secondly, I’m not used to having someone take care of me.
This started not just because I was raised by a strong mother but also because at a quite early age, I’ve had to put up with responsibilities that were larger than my shoulders. I’ve had to learn to be a grown up real quick to face life’s harsh realities. For me, there was no time for being mama’s girl or baby forever. Of course, I’ve had some of such cherished moments but they weren’t my daily reality. Being strong and always strong was all I had left most of the time. Those close to me have an idea what I mean.
And lastly, I confess that I am a total control freak who always needs everything to be in a certain order.
Aside these, the facts that I have been disappointed so many times in life by people I firmly believed I could count on, thought me how to do things for myself without waiting for anyone’s help.
I want something ? I go get it ! End of story. Unfortunately, I sometimes carry this into my relationship with God and the way I relate to Him.😢😔
The perfectionist side of me also makes me do this ‘cos I’m always worried people are gonna mess up or not be as details conscious about a task I delegate to them as I would have myself. I ended up being right about that so many times though. So yeah, you can say I kind of got trust issues. I’m that girl who would psyche herself up for the worst from people 90% of the time instead of ending up disappointed and hurt.
But you see ? In the end, this still didn’t work when it comes to protecting my heart and feelings, so I guess I just have to learn to trust people anyway . It’s a risk one must take in life.
As you can imagine, I went to my all time personal person –my grand-mentor– with this fear and after daddy listened to me for a while, this is what he said ” Constante, you may not feel like relying on a man right now but as time goes on, you’ll feel the need to have a man taking care of you. So it’s alright. You don’t have to worry. This desire has something to do with genetics and it’s God given, so with time it will manifest itself by all means “. (Paraphrased)
So, problem solved ?
Well, it’s true you have your part to play in showing yourself trust worthy, I’m gonna have to learn to trust you especially and like that old man told me: I’ll have to ACCEPT — ‘cos for me, this whole thing has more to do with taking off the garment of rebellion and accepting that I need a man to take care of me. It puts me in a vulnerable position I don’t like– to let you take care of me and do things for me because I did conduct a little survey
a few weeks ago when I started writing this and one thing was confirmed and clearly came out : I JUST HAVE TO LET YOU not because I can’t do it all on my own but because it matters to you so much and that, that is how God made you and the role He assigned to you. I’d therefore do well to stay out of your lane. 😁😄
By now, you’re looking for the other fear I said I’d talk about in my letter, right ?
Well, here it goes.
It is about one thing you won’t believe I dread but I actually do: INTIMACY !
No babe. Not the sexual kind nor the let’s have deep conversations all night long kind. I’m the Queen of deep convos; trust me 😆😂. Not the saying beautifully ” “butterflyee” things to each other all day long either.
When I say intimacy, I’m referring to those not-so-pretty moments. I’m reffering to doing the kind of thing this couple is doing in this picture. When we’re able to do stuffs like farting around each other and this 👇to and with each other, we’ve truly reached an awesome level of intimacy. 🙌😂
Yeah, it looks funny and crazy but when I saw it, I thought of you. I thought of us; of the after-wedding ceremony everyday life moments.
I thought of those times when you’d ask me to hand you some T-roll because there is none in the restroom and you didn’t check before starting your business.
I thought of the day when I’d be in the shower and forget to pull the curtain and you’d zoom in unannounced because you need to use the other half of the bathroom at the same time.
You know that feeling; how you dread those corporate bathing times when you go for camp and the bathrooms have no shower curtains ? Or again how some married couples otherwise known as #LegalPractitionners* dread making love with their lights still on😅
, so they’re actually happy when ECG* does its thing ? There you have it !
I know this can seem weird and make some people laugh but when the Bible says “…the man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame” , for some of us, it’s not that easy to replicate this! In fact, it’s a big deal! Standing COMPLETELY naked –emotionally, physically (ESPECIALLY) and mentally– before someone for the first time and the days after for the rest of your life is one of the most terrifying things for many people and I am one of them.
I remember having a conversation with a close female friend some years back and she expressed this same fear. At that time, it seemed so trivial so I just laughed it off and swept if off my mind like unwanted cobwebs. Today I do some deep thinking and realise I’m standing in her shoes and that she was right to feel the way she felt.
More recently I shared with another friend a fact many people ignore about me: I have a hard time looking people in the eye for long.
I can’t explain why but after a few seconds, my eyelids will be closed like those of the lady in this image. It gets very uncomfortable to me, not just because I have been thought as an African child that starring people in the eye while they talk to you is disrespectful but also because, to me there’s something deeper and awkward to it.
There goes that fear of intimacy again.
Babe, maybe I’m scared that if I let you gaze into these eyes too long, you’d see something I don’t want you to.
I still can’t tell
And oh, about that oreo chocolate ice cream I mention at the end of every letter to you ? Eeermm…let’s just say it’s better I don’t make mention of it this time around 😂😆. That would be your punishement for taking so long 😛😜. Not my fault 🙈🙊
Your soon to meet you bae 😚😘😙 #OnDaysLikeThis #WhenINeedaHugSoBadly
*Trotro : A commercial vehicule used for both long and short distance transportation; it’s a bus and it’s called that way in Ghana.
*manna : the food God fed Israelites while they journeyed through the desert to the promised land. In our modern days, the words God speak to us through other believers (or even unbelievers sometimes) can be considered as manna.
*Legal practitioners : a term I learnt from miss Stephanie Selaewoenam Adenyo. It refers to the legal right of married couples to have sex.
*ECG: the Electricity Company of Ghana
*Dum : the twi word for OFF, to litteraly mean blackout.
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