This is a sequel to the first post I wrote on this same topic. If you haven’t read it, please scroll down to the bottom and follow the backward arrow to the post. Happy reading!
The danger in holding on to a woman collector is that, because of the strong dependency bond he forms with you, you in the meanwhile cut every other male off who tries to gain any kind of closeness to you in the same manner, hoping that things will eventually progress with him.
You unconsciously feel as though getting close to any other man would be a betrayal to what you two have and when you are in this state, you can surely not be connected to your true God-ordained spouse. Even if he appears in your life at that time, you’d probably not give him a chance and not recognise him because your hope is still elsewhere.
Mrs. Heather Lindsey spoke about how she had a woman collector in her own life for 7 years! For seven good years she in her mind and heart dated someone who wasn’t dating her. For seven years, she kept up the hope of finally getting an actual proposal and she had the door shut to any other man. A collector can make you waste your life away without you even realising it. Shortly after she broke all ties with this man, she meet her husband: Cornelius Lindsey.
TO THE WOMAN COLLECTOR:
If you recognize any of the previously mentioned traits (read first post on this topic) in your behaviour towards people of the opposite sex, you need to stop and repent now. If you have a hard time accepting that you are this kind of person, ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and show you what you can’t see about yourself. The longer you resist the truth, the harder it will be to let go and the more damage you’ll keep doing around you. Remember you’ll be a father one day. I can assure you, you don’t want your daughter (or son) meeting someone like that and going through something like this.
You may or may not be aware of what you are doing because it probably became second nature to you; it is just the way you are, you say. You can’t help getting (super) close to ladies.
Like Doctor Suyini Fiawo, former president of EYO* Korle-bu said during one of our programs dubbed Love feast : you cannot just go about forming this type of intimate bond (sex being involved or not) with every one of the opposite sex. It is so UNHEALTHY! This can be equated to emotional prostitution.
You are going about bruising and braking hearts, wasting people’s lives and opportunities to have someone great to build and do life with.
TO THE VICTIMS:
If you identify an individual with any such traits in your life and find yourself in such a situation: time to let little birdie fly, sis! Yeah, I know. You’ve waited for so long and you think he might finally choose you and propose tomorrow. You don’t know that! It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. You gotta let go for your own good!
It can and may affect you mentally if you persist on keeping up the hope of having something more with a woman collector. Whatever touches the heart, affects the brain and is harmful on the long run if it’s something negative.
Ask Doctor Elorm Daketsey if I’m lying 😉
Make no mistake. From the very beginning, a woman collector always knows who he wants. If it’s not you right now, it will never be you.
NOTA BIEN : Do not be deceived, any male at all can be a collector. It doesn’t matter if he is a very spiritus-santus brother or not. He could be your pastor, your shepherd at church, your mentor, your role model etc.
May the Lord heal your heart and give you the strength to break all the ties that bind and move on. And when He shuts that door, may He give you the strength not to open it again.
TO MY BROTHERS,
Many of you have found yourselves in entangling situations where you were being accused by a sister/female friend of having “led them on”. You stand amazed and wonder why because getting her to fall for you was never your intention. You were just being a nice and caring brother/friend like you know how to. Right?
You need to know this; it is a fact: Women think and feel things differently from men. When as a male friend, you spend all your time lavishing lots of your attention on a lady: giving her all of your time, buying her little tokens of affection, always being there for her, taking her out, letting her cry on your shoulder and consoling her, becoming her confident or bestie, clearly showing her that she matters to you more than other lady friends of you do, giving her a pet name and showering her with sweet words, getting her, her favourite food for no reason at 11 in the night when you live in Dansoman and she in east legon, going on late night walks together, helping her do grocery shopping or move to her new place, coming over just to fix that bathroom bulb she said got burnt just yesterday because she can’t bath in the dark ‘cos she is afraid of it, giving her hours long late night phone calls, texting her all the time and having deep and intimate conversations with her etc etc.
…SHE IS GONNA FEEL SPECIAL! In fact, SHE WILL FEEL VERY SPECIAL and this ain’t no magic! It’s just normal and you can’t blame her for it. So when you in the end, go on and propose to Ama Akisi Nyameba, that pretty girl in Legon hall whom you actually always had your mind on all this while (and about whom you told her), she may not say it but she’s gonna feel sad, very sad, hurt, played, used, SHE IS GONNA FEEL AND SAY THAT YOU LED HER ON! And as she is reading this now, she might have started thinking that you are a WOMAN COLLECTOR. Lol.
Someone argued with me that not all ladies are that way; not all ladies end up having feelings for a male friend they got really close to or intimate with. Well, I say whatever. I say, if she didn’t then there must be a reason: she was either already in a relationship (yeah, some people don’t know how to set emotional and intimacy boundaries in friendship even after they start courting) or on her way to one. Or, flat-out, she is related to you; blood related (even in this case, nothing is guaranteed. I know of cousins who ended up having feelings for cousins and unfortunately went too far and messed up).
So! Dear brothers, be careful what you doing. You can’t get intimate with every female friend in your life. That kind of intimacy must be exclusive to the one you have in mind for building a home with. People’s heart and sanity are on the line! Blessed are you if you pay heed to wisdom.
Side note: the female version of the WOMAN COLLECTOR does exist of course. She is THE MAN COLLECTOR
*EYO: Excellent Youth Outreach, a non-denominational youth ministry I’m a part of.
Ps: Thanks for reading part 2. I hope the wait wasn’t too long. Please share this, leave a comment and then sign up here or on Facebook for more 🙂 . I’ll be glad to have you around always!