I read an article about this same topic on the blog of the famous and well-known author and co-pastor of the Gathering Oasis Church: Mrs. Heather Lindsey.
Since I personally came somehow close to this kind of person, I was inspired and decided to put my thoughts about the topic down on ‘paper’ too. So this is me sharing another quite personal experience with you guys 😉
A woman collector is as the name suggests, a man who collects women. He does that by getting them hooked up through a very deep and intimate kind of friendship which will however never be anything more than just that: friendship.
He enjoys creating an intimate bond with as many female friends as he can have in his life. He however makes you aware that there are other women in his life with whom he has the same kind of closeness he has with you. To him, what you two share, is nothing special so there’s no way he could be leading you on.
A woman collector will never concretely and openly admit to having a thing going on with you and will not agree to calling you his girlfriend but he will be very quick and very much at ease with calling you his best friend or tweeny or anything else of that kind.
A woman collector may make sure you in the end feel guilty even if any argument or problem started by his fault. You feel as if you owe it to him, to not upset him and to always try making things right after a dispute.
A woman collector knows when to pick you up and when to put you back on the shelf of his life depending on his needs; just like books in a library. And don’t be deceived, you’re not the only book.
He normally picks you up when he is having an emotional void that needs to be filled and he knows exactly the right buttons to push. Long late night calls or sweet texts messages that read: babe, I’ve missed you…Was thinking of you all day today…Tell me everything, what’s going on in your life lately… etc.
He will reach out when he is simply bored or in need of something deeper: a listening ear, comforting lips and a shoulder to cry on. He knows you will dutifully respond present because he already got you addicted.
Everything will start with him showing interest, but after a while the tables will turn and you’ll be the one pursuing him.
A woman collector will do with you, everything a man would normally do with his beloved/girlfriend but without the commitment part.
He masters the art of emotional manipulation. He knows how to give you just enough attention so you feel like he indeed cares about you and is interested in what you’ve got to say or things you’re going through. Like to a cat, he knows how to give you just enough fish, so you keep coming around.
A woman collector is someone who is an expert at making you open up as wide as a book can, pouring out all of your secrets and deepest experiences. Before him, you easily let your guards down though you promised yourself you no longer will; before you know it, you are being as transparent as crystal one more time .
You begin to thrive and depend on those moments of short-lived happiness produced by the deep conversation moments he offers you as if your life depended on it. After some time, you now live for those moments. When they don’t happen in a while, your mood changes, you wonder why he hasn’t reached out.
You check your phone all day long to see if he hasn’t called or texted you. Like a bony horse returning from a far far away desert land, you thirstily await every drop of his attention. That attention, you don’t wanna loose.
A woman collector shows you in subtle ways or statements that you are not a priority to him and he is not having you in mind for any of his long-term plans. He however makes sure he is a priority to you and he will be because by then, you would have developed strong feelings for him.
From the onset, he may let you know that his interests are elsewhere ; in another woman he is dedicating himself to pursuing and you’ll more or less be a consultant on their relationship, such that if you end up falling for him, it can only be your fault (his reaction to the news about your feelings if you disclose it) .
You’re the one he can have all day long and all night long intimate and deep conversations with but you’re not the one he wants to build a home with.
He will tell you that you’re truly a great woman, but he is not ready to be with you because : you are too perfect for him or he is simply not ready to be in a relationship at the moment.
If he is not already with someone or if he didn’t get with anyone in the process, he’ll make you wait around just long enough until he gets who he really wants.
Sometimes, even after getting that someone, he may still make you wait around, just in case he needs a spare tire 😉
If you’re bold enough to question him about where the two of you stand, he’ll give you vague answers or get offended: you and I are just friends!
A woman collector keeps you in a place of mixed up hope and doubt. A place where you are scared to move out of the confines of what you have going on with him, but at the same time you keep wondering if you’re not missing out on something better and greater waiting for you out there. But you can’t help second guessing yourself: “what if I break out and find out I was wrong? What if I break out and end up losing all I’ve spent time building with him? Maybe things are gonna move forward soon, so let me just stay put?
A friend recently showed me a video where a girl is seen over at her alleged boyfriend’s house. She cleans, cooks and all (of course the girl’s behaviour is wrong. She’s playing house but that’s a topic for another day) and in the end, the guy tells her: I swear, the man who is gonna marry you is so blessed !!!
So here is a typical WOMAN COLLECTOR ATTITUDE. While you’re putting effort in (either by always being there for him, making him a priority, investing yourself so much emotionally), thinking you guys have a relationship going on, to him, you’re just another very good or close friend. That is why, he can have as many ‘versions of you’ as he can in his life. And, if you unfortunately offer him the sex as a bonus, he won’t say no.
In the end, he’ll make this clear: YOU ONLY GOT YOURSELF TO BLAME. He actually never said you guys were in a relationship. Did he ?
The same friend I just mentioned, shared something else with me from a book he read. It says: love thrives on exclusivity. How true! I’m sure at this point, you can now see why love cannot thrive in this kind of relationship. There is little to no exclusivity at all. Whatever a woman collector is to you, he is to some other or many other women.
PS: I know this one was a long one. Thank you for reading 🙂 Watch out for the sequel. Remember to share and then subscribe for more. It will go a long way to encourage the writer 😉