I look at the woman in these pictures and I love her. I see her smile and I’m in luuuu 😍😍😄.
Let me read you another chapter of her story today.
Hi. Maybe you saw one or more of these pictures on any of my social media accounts yesterday. Can I share something with you ? Something I have sttrugled with sharing for a long time. I’d like to tell you what you don’t see behind these pictures.
One of the secret fears I sttrugle with and still sttrugle with is wearing sleeveless clothes to go out . Actually, wearing anything that shows off certain parts of my body is a problem to me but when it comes to sleeveless clothes, it’s like a nightmare. Only my family and some close friends know about this.
It so happens that God has given me these beautiful arms that everybody else seems to enjoy touching but me 😁😄. They say it gives a sensation they can’t describe. My brothers enjoy doing that to me the most. Oh how I hate them during such moments 😂😬😒. They become like sttuborn flies that won’t go away no matter what .
You know what ? The Lord has been teaching me to be bolder these days and if anybody has a problem with that, well that problem is just theirs, not mine.
I have spent the greatest part of my life so far, obliged to listen to a very important someone I won’t name, tell me how awful this body of mine looked even when it was nothing close to what it is now until I one day choose to bang my fist on the table and say ” ENOUGH”. I still didn’t rise from the chains of a lifetime of verbal abuse immediately but I have come a long way.
Before you say anything. Listen.
I have tried hatred for this body. It didn’t work. I tried anxiety. It didn’t work. I tried depression. It still didn’t work. I tried starvation. It did work but not for long. These are but a few. I even tried anger against God. I wake up wondering why I get to go through all this and some people just get to “sit slim” . I wondered why they don’t have to lift a finger to look the way they do while I almost always have to keep an eye on myself. I felt it is so unfair but that still didn’t change a thing and it won’t . As my friend Peace would say : one day, everything will make sense. Right ?
God knows the number of things I have tried out. I’d rather not describe some of them. When I was a teenager, mama would go something like : look what you’re doing to yourself ! You’re begining to look like jelly. In my head I’d think : I don’t care. As long as this stuff works, I really don’t care. Yeah, it was that bad and still is sometimes.
What’s happening now ?
I can confidently say that I am gradually becoming another me. The me that won’t put being happy on hold till I am 10 or 20 or 25 kg lighter. The me that will be happy even now. The me that won’t allow others to tell me how they think I should look. In the past, I would have joined them in putting this body down but not anymore.
Have I become that me yet ? Not totally…still on the way.
Do I still have breakdowns about how hard it is to look in the mirror and not see the body I used to have and want to have ? Yes ! Quite often. It is scary and lonely sometimes. The temptation of going back to the old negative me is present everyday.
But to be honest, being miserable and inflicting depression and anxiety on myself won’t make the extra kilos go away any faster. So I choose to be joyful for as long as I’m stuck with them.
Ça prendra le temps que ça prendra*.
Having the body I have has thaught me how easy it is for people who don’t even know you to judge you. One time too many, I’ve had to listen to people call me names and make fun of my skin colour and figure. I’ve had to listen to them tell me or others how my looks are probably the results of me being a sluggish and lazy person.
However, the funny truth that is hard to believe is this: to be honest and without wanting to brag, many of the slim or “normal” people I know would give up if we went on a jog/walk together or if we just started one of the many crazy diets I’ve tried together. Lol
There are certain things people just can’t understand unless they’ve been in your shoes and having an endomorph body is one of them. How do you let someone who has eaten all they wanted their whole life without putting on a single extra kilo, understand how come your body gets bigger by just perceiving the aroma from your neighbour’s kitchen. How do you make them empatise with the fact that you gain extra pounds that will take forever to come off just because you looked into your fridge ?
Some of you reading this will be touched and start to view people with love handles differently. Others will make fun of this and go on being rude and hurtful.
Ainsi va la vie*. My last words ? Next time you notice a girl or boy who always dresses a certain “weird” way, try not to make fun of them. Tell yourself that maybe they are fighting battles you have no idea of ; battling with complexities you may never have to deal with in your life.
Before you call them names across the classroom or street, walk a mile in their shoes. A mile during which you are trapped inside a body that won’t cooperate and let you show an “acceptably beautiful” enveloppe according to this world.
Maybe you are on the other side of the spectrum, trying to add on some curves. It is okay to do that. I won’t say give up your fight just like I won’t give up mine because it’s not just about physical appearance but about health as well but while you’re at it, still love yourself. I am talking about present tense love. 😉☺
#LovingAllOfMoi 😍😍. #LovingMyselfBboldly. #LovingThemeThatIamNow. #PresentTenseLove #Shamelessly #Sleevelesly #AgreeOrNot #StareOrNot😊☺
*Ça prendra le temps que ça prendra : it will take the time it must take
*Ainsi va la vie : such is life
PS: Thanks for reading this. I hope you’ve been inspired to love yourself and others better. How about sharing it with others ? 😊 Subscribe and come around again ! 😉